Monday can be fun...but usually isn't #07

Hi there!

It's Monday, it's early spring, it's time for cleaning, dusting and gardening. How are you doing? 

Of course you can also work indoors...

Science has never drummed up quite as effective a tranquilizing agent as a sunny spring day.
W. Earl Hall 

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.

Doug Larson

The first day of spring is one thing, and the first spring day is another. The difference between them is sometimes as great as a month.

Henry Van Dyke

Spring has come when you can put your foot on three daisies.

Proverb 

Have a lovely spring everybody!

Alternatively you can follow this advice:

Monday can be fun...but usually isn't # 06

Hi everybody!

It's Monday, it's 13th of February, how are you doing? 


I know, it is not easy to survive St. Valentine's Day. Let's hope these cartoons and jokes will help!

500 Valentine Cards 

Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine's day, he couldn't help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.  Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the envelopes.

By now Mike's curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the man why he was sending all those cards.  The man replied, "I'm sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asked Mike.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replied.

A request

Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into a local pub on St. Valentine's Day.  After a while he noticed a pretty, well-dressed woman gazing at him without blinking her big, brown eyes. Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest, most seductive voice, 'I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition.' 

The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment, still gazing at him beseechingly. She asked as if in a trance, 'What's your condition?'

Phil answered, 'Tell me your wish in just three words.' 

There was a long pause. Finally the woman sighed, opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address.  She then looked deeply into his eyes again and whispered, 'Clean my house.'

Monday Can Be Fun (but usually isn't) # 5 - holiday edition!

Hi everybody!

It's Monday, it's 26th December, how are you? 
I know, it is not easy to return to the harsh reality - only cartoons today!

Snow or your life - stand and deliver!

...and finaly for your information if you haven't noticed it already (well, it might be a tad too late but better late than never):

Monday Can Be Fun (but usually isn't) # 4

Hi everybody!

It's Monday, how are you? 

I want you to spend a lot!!!

In the frozen foods department of our local grocery store, I noticed a man shopping with his son. As I walked by, he checked something off his list, and I heard him whisper conspiratorially to the child, "You know, if we really mess this up, we'll never have to do it again."

A Dog`s Rules For Christmas

1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans.

2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.

3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.

4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know: 

a. Don`t pee on the tree

b. Don`t drink water in the container that holds the tree

c. Mind your tail when you are near the tree

d. If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don`t rip them open

e. Don`t chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree

5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part:

a. Not all strangers appreciate kisses and leans

b. Don`t eat off the buffet table

c. Beg for goodies subtly

d. Be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your sofa

e. Don`t drink out of glasses that are left within your reach; however if you must do it discreetly

6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important:

a. Observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people`s houses. (4a is particularly important)

b. Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house

c. Tolerate children

d. Turn on your charm big time

Yes, you can do it - let's hope you'll survive again!

Monday Can Be Fun (but usually isn't) # 3

Hi everybody!

It's Monday, how are you? 

Excuses for Monday Morning

• If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
• I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday, and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
• My stigmata's acting up.
• I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
• I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...
• I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.
• Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Hoyas, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
• Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
• I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
• The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
• The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet. In fact I am not sure whether it was my dog or my cat. I think I must take both of them along. The vet will decide.
• My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should suffice.
• I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian so, technically, it is not Monday.
• I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
• I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.
• This Monday I prefer to remain an enigma.

Have a lovely week!


pst, pst...what's your fav excuse?

Monday Can Be Fun (but usually isn't) # 2

Hi everybody!

It's Monday, how are you? 

Bad Monday morning (or maybe evening) in Ireland

One Monday Paddy and Seamus were walking home from the pub.  Paddy says to Seamus, 'What a beautiful night, look at the moon.'

Seamus stops and looks at Paddy, 'You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun.' Both started arguing for a while when they come upon a drunk walking in the other direction, so they stopped him.

'Sir, could you please help settle our argument?Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?'

The drunk thought about the problem a bit, looked at the sky, looked at them, and finally said:

'Sorry, I am stranger here myself.'

Shop Signs - they have been undoubtedly written one Monday morning...by somebody feeling great...

Outside a dress shop, Hong Kong: LADIES HAVE FITS UPSTAIRS.

Tailor shop, Rhodes: ORDER YOUR SUMMERS SUIT. BECAUSE IS BIG RUSH, WE WILL EXECUTE CUSTOMERS IN STRICT ROTATION.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.

Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS.
IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY (I suppose it is one of the perks of being a zoo guard - you get plenty of food for free...)

If you want to have a bigger chance for a great Monday, prepare beforehand...

A senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible straight out of the car saleroom. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 90 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
‘Amazing!’ he thought as he flew down the M40, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.’ I can get away from him – no problem!’ thought the elderly gent as he floored it to 110 mph, then 120, then 130 mph.

Suddenly, he thought, ‘What on earth am I doing? I’m too old for this nonsense! I can have an accident and die prematurely!’ So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver’s side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said, ‘Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I’m taking off for the weekend. What's more, I want to go back to work on Monday with my conscience clear and with a smile. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.’

The man looked very seriously at the policeman and replied, ‘Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back.’

‘Have a good day, Sir,’ said the policeman.

It could be my portrait early in the morning on Monday

Have a great Monday anyway!

Monday Can Be Fun (but usually isn't) # 1

Hi everybody!

It's Monday, how are you? 

No matter whether you hate Mondays or love them, some fun is a great way to start a new week. Monday can be fun but usually isn't...unless you are prepared to make an effort. I will be prepared for you, doing this meme alternatively with Musical Mondays. So once in a while. ;p I hope it will improve your mood!

This week please, acquaint yourself with lesser known Murphy's Laws, Murphy's definitions and other appendixes!

Lesser Known Murphy's Laws

• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't.
• Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
• The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
• If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
• The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat, drinking beer all day, doing little else and neglecting his duties. He will also find some followers.
• Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.
• The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. Works like wonder. It even features some sound alarm.
• A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Other Factors When Studying Murphy's Law

Finagle's Rider
Anything that can go wrong, will- but only at the worst possible moment.

Forsyth's Corollary 
Just when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in right before you.

Gumperson's Law 
The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.

Zymurgy's Law
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to re-can them is to sweep them into a larger can (but only if you manage to do it in the next five seconds).

Hanlon's Razor
Never assume malice when ordinary stupidity will suffice. Don't do idiots a favour.

Brook's Law
Adding manpower to a project that is behind schedule will delay it further.

And finally:

Inverse of Murphy's Law

If something does go right subsequent events will show that it would have really been better if it had gone wrong.

Have a great Monday!

Good night, see you next week!