Saturday, 7 July 2012

Silent Saturday




Heracleum sosnowskyi Manden - a plant straight from the Soviet hell. Never come close to it, be happy if it doesn't grow nearby.

Common names: Sosnowski's hogweed (GB), Bolševník (CZ) Rundlobet bjørneklo (DK), Sosnovska latvānis (LV), Sosnovsky karuputk (EE), Sosnovskio barštis (LT), barszcz Sosnowskiego (PL), борщевик Сосновского (RU) Bereklauw (NL).

Go here if you want to know more.

Wednesday, 4 July 2012

Review: The Devil and Preston Black by Jason Jack Miller


Book info:
Form: e-book Kindle format
Target audience: adult
Genre: contemporary fiction

Synopsis:

Life of Preston Black has never been easy but when he reaches 27 everything seems to be going to the devil double fast. He is a musician and all of a sudden his beloved band is falling apart - the drummer, Stu, is being sent to Afganistan and Pauly, his foster brother, decides he’s had enough of drinking and playing covers. Then Preston falls in love with Dani, a mysterious woman from the Czech Republic who works as a translator and, like him, has no family of her own; although she readily offers him a warm bed and a meal when he needs it the most she also starts cheating on him from the very beginning. She turns his life upside down like a force of nature - does she do it because she is from Europe or maybe because she is the devil?

Then he finds in a record store a LP with a very strange and pessimistic song about the devil and Preston Black. He buys the record and keeps wondering – just a coincidence or a pointer leading to his unknown father? Is it the right time to start anew or maybe to cash in the chips like many other more famous and more successful musicians before? Who keeps sending him strange texts from an unknown number? Preston decides to try once again – he sells his old instruments, buys a new, acoustic guitar and heads south to find an old singer who knows the rest of that elusive song and maybe also his destiny. Will the Devil follow him? Who will control his life? Can things go even more wrong? Yes, of course they can. Always.

What I liked:

It was a good interesting story, smoothly told in limited first person. It was gritty, without any maudlin moments - maybe because of that I felt for Preston almost all the time. He seemed so lost and so twisted despite the fact that he just wanted to make a career as an independent musician.  Katy, his other romantic interest, was nice as well – she was such a sweet contrast to that absinthe- swilling, unstable smart-pants Dani.

I also liked the fact that there was no baddie here. The devil was in people, including the main character, bad and good people but mostly ordinary people who tried very hard to be good but still managed only average. Preston, deep in the doldrums  says:

“My life had become a Chinese take-out fortune,  a receipt for a guitar that cost way too much money, a thirty characters text, a name no a faded concert flier stuck to a light pole with rusty nails, footprints disappearing with the melting snow, a black and white picture in a high school year book.”

That’s the start of pure evil – feeling you are worth nothing at all.

I also learned a lot – those different types of guitars were a bit misleading at first (especially that the author uses abbreviations as the characters, mostly musicians, know everything about them) but I googled them and I was fine afterwards. I appreciated the bits about Appalachian folklore as well.


What I didn’t like:

I really resent the fact that there is no cd or at least a play list attached to this book. It is all about music after all,  and nobody is perfect – I knew some of these songs (Metallica, Pink Floyd, the Beatles, Jimi Hendrix and of course those ugly, stupid boys from Duran Duran ;p ) but some of them went right above my head and I wish they didn’t.

My last carping: the voice of Preston was good but I would love to hear some words from the mouth of the devil as well. I am strange like that. ;)

Final verdict:

A surprisingly good debut – I  would like to read more!

Sunday, 1 July 2012

Movie review: Men in Black 3

Directed by: Barry Sonnenfeld
Screenplay: Etan Cohen
Cast:
Agent J: Will Smith
Agent K: Tommy Lee Jones
Young Agent K: Josh Brolin
Agent O: Emma Thompson
Boris the Animal: Jemaine Clement
Release date: 2012
MPAA rating: PG-13




Synopsis (in just three nifty sentences ;p ):

Boris the Animal, a nasty alien creep, has just escaped from a special prison on the Moon – now he wants to go back in time and rewrite the history. Will he succeed? No, he won’t because Men in Black or, more precisely, agent J and agent K, will stop him just in time.

My impressions:

While it’s impossible to recreate the feeling of originality that made the 1997 MIB so different, the screenwriter, Etan Cohen, and the director have done the next best thing: they’ve created a story that probes the friendship between Smith and Jones and plays on our fondness for the actors in these roles.I was really pleasantly surprised because such a move is not popular among sci-fi films directors, who just seem to think 'action-action-action'. It was subtle in an unexpected way. And you got action as well so it is a win-win situation.
I also loved the sense of humour. Have you ever seen a band of aliens playing bagpipes and singing Auld Lang Syne during a funeral? Or Emma Thomson (Agent O, the new boss) speaking Alienish (even if she was just paraphrasing) ? This movie might be the only occasion! I bet the actors had a lot of fun shooting this one; let me assure you the audience feels and enjoys it as well!

I appreciated such moments when a simple pan or a bottle of mustard sauce (I am not completely sure but the colour was right for the mustard sauce) was as efficient a weapon as any space gun and the characters could not only kick and shoot but also turn philosophical. Really, for a third part of a series it was a very decent movie. Of course it didn’t have the freshness of the first installment and the plot repeated the pattern of the previous two films so yes, no big surprises in this one but still it was really good. It is mainly the performance of the actors which won my heart over – Tommy Lee Jones is really a nice Agent K although you can see he is not so young anymore (110? Maybe 111 but certainly not older ;)) . Well, the best actors are like certain types of wine – the older the better. In this one you also get a younger version of Agent K which is not bad! Emma Thompson was a real asset – I adore this actress, I really do. She is a great comedian and mainly because the characters she plays have a certain warmth I always appreciate very much. She feels real, not like these plastic dolls with tons of make-up, false smiles and silicone…whatever. Whoever decided to employ her in Hollywod made a very good move.




Going back in time, especially the jumping bit, was nicely and intelligently done – the screenwriter managed to avoid most of traps which are faced by authors using such a plot device- and of course moving to the sixties of the twentieth century was a treat in itself. By the way the chocolate milk craving as a side effect of a time warp was hillarious, now I know why I crave chocolate all the time! 
So Andy Warhol was a MIB agent? I always knew there was something shifty about him and his ‘art’- and all models are aliens! I can’t agree more! Finally let me say that I really liked the fact that Agent J didn’t need a girlfriend to keep the things interesting - another intelligent but not so very popular decision taken by the director.

Final verdict:

A nice, funny, relaxing  movie, perfect for a summer evening. Nothing very deep or horribly philosophical but it has its moments - not bad for sci-fi stuff!


Thursday, 28 June 2012

The Most Fascinating Libraries of the World 03 - Bibliotheque Nationale de France

I visited a friend's blog one day and I was literary blown over by a picture of one of the most fascinating libraries around - Trinity College Library in Dublin, Ireland. It also gave me an idea of a series of posts about the best, the most beautiful, the strangest and the biggest libraries there are. The libraries that can make you drool, where you would be able to spend an indefinite period of time without noticing, where you would like to live and die till the end of the world (if they only served coffee and cake that is). Perhaps you can't visit them all but what is the Internet for? I'll try to illustrate my posts as well as it is only possible, providing, I hope, a nice tour for every visitor around. Enjoy!


Bibliotheque Nationale de France (or the National French Library) is located in Paris and his current president is Bruno Racine. It has two main venues: buildings on the Rue de Richelieu, constructed in 1868, and a new venue, planned as a grand project of the elderly president Francois Mitterrand. Construction of the new library ran into huge cost overruns and technical difficulties related to its high-rise design, so much so that it is commonly referred to as the "TGB" or "Très Grande Bibliothèque" (i.e. "Very Large Library," a sarcastic allusion to France's successful high-speed rail system, the TGV). After the move of the major collections from the rue de Richelieu, the National Library of France was inaugurated on 15 December 1996. It contains more than ten million volumes but, suprisingly, doesn't maintain a wireless network.

Site Richelieu:







Site Mitterrand:



Now: the old or the new? Which would you like to visit?

Monday, 25 June 2012

Movie review: Prometheus directed by Ridley Scott

Directed by: Ridley Scott
Cast:
Elizabeth Shaw: Noomi Rapace
David: Michael Fassbender
Peter Weyland: Guy Pearce
Janek (the captain): Idris Elba
Meredith Vickers (the commander): Charlize Theron
Fifield: Sean Harris
Year: 2012
MPAA rating: R (18+ only)




My impressions:

If you happen to have too few problems in your life, go and start looking for aliens.

A filthy rich and terminally ill tycoon is financing an expedition to find our alien ancestors. He sends a top-of-the-range ship with a crew consisting of scientists from different fields to a distant galaxy where a planet similar to the Earth has been found. You see, some scientists, having looked at different ancient bas-reliefs, stone stellas, murals and such decided that our alien creators have left us an invitation in a form of pictograms, indicating where they dwell and how to get there. Isn’t it lovely? Just hop into a space ship and go!

The whole trip is smooth enough and, of course, as soon as they reach their destination the troubles are waiting. The fact that their commander, a coldly beautiful blonde straight from a Nazi’s wet dream (Charlize Theron), follows her own agenda doesn't help either. The only android on board, David, is a shifty customer as well but you can hardly blame him- apparently he has been modelled after that tycoon so he has no conscience.

The planet is empty and unpleasant but soon enough our lovely scientists stumble on an interesting structure, probably designed and constructed by intelligent beings (a stroke of luck indeed) and start exploring. Yee-haaaw! While sightseeing they find: a) a lot of gravel and dirt b) some dead bodies of giants c) small containers full of strange dark goo – items definitely worth risking your life while travelling years in the state of deep hibernation don’t you think? They take one head of a dead giant with them and return to the ship but there is a sand storm or rather a silica gravel storm so not all of them manage to make it. Two people, the most unpleasant people among the whole crew I should add, have to stay trapped in the structure and play dungeons and dragons. Or hide and seek. Or merry-go-round.As the victims are where the director wanted them to be the bloody mayhem begins – hardly surprising for anybody who has seen any of the previous movies of the Alien series. Remember – aliens are hungry and baaaaad. Your-guts-are-soon-spilled-on-the-floor bad.

In the end only two characters survive and they are hardly in a good shape (highlight to learn more - a spoiler ahead). One of them misses his head – good thing that, being an android, he doesn’t have to breathe. The second happy survivor is dr Elizabeth Shaw – a woman who had to perform an emergency cesarean in vivo. On herself. If your mom has repeatedly said that unprotected sex is a no-no this movie might actually provide additional and rather graphic proof- it was one of the most sickening scenes I’ve seen for a long time but an alien child is no laughing matter. By the way a giant ancestor can be as agressive as your average thug so it is also an argument against looking for long-forgotten relatives. Not very pro-life and pro-family movie you must admit.

Ok, time for some conclusions. The movie leaves you with far more questions than answers which surprised me a bit because it was supposed to be a prequel to the older Alien movies, like explaining this and that. As it is, it rather looks like a beginning of a new series altogether with a big cliffhanger at the end. As usual pepare yourself for a fair dose of violence although compared to other Alien installments this one was not so bad. If I am to be honest, though, I have been the most scared while watching the first Alien (8th Passenger of Nostromo). No amout of gore can frighten you as much as something you  simply know nothing about and in that movie a certain cat died as well so I was scared and devastated at the same time.

There were several inconsistencies but one that made me gasp. You see, the blonde commander had a very advanced medical robot in her suite of rooms but it didn’t support any gynaecological procedures – it was designed just for treating MEN. Say what you might but if I planned such a dangerous, long-lasting mission with a MIXED crew on board I would insist EVERY possible procedure was added to that little technical wonder just in case. I gather, being so advanced and all, it couldn’t run out of memory chips, could it? I would do so especially if I happened to be one of the WOMEN, a commander and also a daughter of the main sponsor.

Finally I was a bit disappointed that the Aliens proved to be every bit as murderous as those other slimy, squid-like monsters, following them close behind (they always follow food). I know that violence can draw crowds and apparently is is far easier to organize a blood bath in a movie than a serious philosophical discussion about the most essential questions plaguing the humankind (like the origin of life and the aim of our existence). Still, wasn’t this movie supposed to be just about these more serious issues? About Prometheus, the Greek Titan who gave the people more than any other god, sacrificing his own life? It seems to me that the director started very ambitiously but finally, for a reason or two, chose an easier option. Pity.

Final verdict:

If you are a fan of Ridley Scott movies, sci-fi or the Alien series I think this film will be a must. I have to admit I was left a bit disappointed at the end but I never got bored while watching it so perhaps it wasn’t such a horrible waste of time. Still some scenes were disturbing - see for yourself (and it is still just a trailer!)




Friday, 22 June 2012

Our sweet consolation or devil’s candy?





The summer has come. Have you noticed? The temperatures are high, the sun is shining so many people parade around in t-shirts skirts and shorts, showing off…well, their not very appetizing bodies. To put it blandly, they are FAT. It concerns all sexes and people of all ages, even very young children. Have you thought why there are so many seriously obese people around the world? The hero of my essay might be one of the main culprits. I am thinking here about high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) known also as glucose-fructose syrup in the UK, glucose/fructose in Canada, and high-fructose maize syrup in other countries. It is a ubiquitous sweetening ingredient which is mixed into thousands of drinks and snacks to appeal to sweet toothed customers.



You can find this ingredient in breads, cereals, breakfast bars, lunch meats, yogurts, soups, and condiments. According to the Wikipedia which quotes USDA, HFCS consists of 24% water, and the rest sugars. The most widely used varieties of high-fructose corn syrup are: HFCS 55 (mostly used in soft drinks), approximately 55% fructose and 42% glucose; and HFCS 42 (used in beverages, processed foods, cereals and baked goods), approximately 42% fructose and 53% glucose. HFCS-90, approximately 90% fructose and 10% glucose, is used in small quantities for specialty applications, but primarily is used to blend with HFCS 42 to make HFCS 55. Now, if you don’t work for a food company, should it interest you at all? Yes, it should; especially if you (like yours truly) or somebody from your family or friends have gained a lot of weight lately and simply can’t get any slimmer. You see, HFCS might be responsible.


 Before I explain how and why let’s see how it began. When it comes to the substance itself, the HFCS was first introduced by Richard O. Marshall and Earl R. Kooi in 1957. They were, however, unsuccessful in making it viable for mass production .The industrial production process and creation was made by Dr. Yoshiyuki Takasaki at the Agency of Industrial Science and Technology of Ministry of International Trade and Industry of Japan in 1965–1970. HFCS was rapidly introduced to many processed foods and soft drinks in the U.S. from about 1975 to 1985. High-fructose corn syrup is produced by milling corn to produce corn starch, then processing that starch to yield corn syrup, which is almost entirely glucose, and then adding enzymes that change some of the glucose into fructose. The resulting syrup (after enzyme conversion) contains approximately 42% fructose and is HFCS 42. Some of the 42% fructose is then purified to 90% fructose, HFCS 90. To make HFCS 55, the HFCS 90 is mixed with HFCS 42 in the appropriate ratios to form the desired HFCS 55.

Why did HFCS supplant so swiftly other ‘normal’ kinds of sugar, produced from sugar cane or sugar beet? Its price is the key to quite an incredible career. In 1971 the Oval Office was occupied by one of least pleasant American presidents, Richard Nixon. He was facing re-election and his popularity plunged dangerously because of the Vietnam war and the soaring cost of food. The war was one matter but the high cost of living was affecting every single American citizen. Nixon knew very well that, if he wanted to continue his career as a politician, he had to reduce food prices. The president appointed Earl Butz, an academic from Indiana to find a solution. Butz, an agriculture expert, pushed farmers into a new, industrial scale of production and farming one crop in particular – corn. In doing so he seemed to literally alter the shape of human race. US cattle were fattened by the immense increase in corn production. Burgers became bigger, French fries, fried in corn oil, became fattier and more tasty. The market was swamped by cheaper food and everybody at that time seemed enjoying the bonanza- Nixon’s popularity went up, American farmers became richer than ever and the consumers had products with lower price tag. A paradise? Well, there was trouble brewing.

 By the mid-70s, there was a surplus of corn so Butz flew to Japan to look into a scientific innovation that would change everything: the mass development of high fructose corn syrup (HFCS). It was not only sweet but also so incredibly cheap. HFCS was soon included into every conceivable food: pizzas, coleslaw, meat. It provided that "freshly baked" sheen on bread and cakes, made everything sweeter, and extended shelf life from days to years. A silent revolution of the amount of sugar that was going into our bodies was taking place Why was HFCS such a miracle worker? Table sugar (also called sucrose) and HFCS both consist of two simple sugars: fructose and glucose. The proportion of fructose and glucose in HFCS is basically the same ratio as table sugar, which is made of 50% fructose and 50% glucose. Both sweeteners contain the same number of calories (4 calories per gram). There is a slight difference, though. Fructose and glucose in table sugar, coming most often from sugar beet, are chemically bonded together, and the body must first digest sugar to break these bonds before the body can absorb the fructose and glucose into the bloodstream. In contrast, the fructose and glucose found in HFCS are merely blended together, which means it doesn't need to be digested before it is metabolized and absorbed into the bloodstream. Because of this, theories abound that HFCS has a greater impact on blood glucose levels than regular sugar (sucrose).

However, research has shown that there are no significant differences between HFCS and sugar (sucrose) when it comes to the production of insulin, leptin (a hormone that regulates body weight and metabolism), ghrelin (the "hunger" hormone), or the changes in blood glucose levels. In addition, satiety studies done on HFCS and sugar (sucrose) have found no difference in appetite regulation, feelings of fullness, or short-term energy intake. Overall official sources are unanimous: research studies have yielded mixed results about the possible adverse effects of consuming high-fructose corn syrup. Although high-fructose corn syrup is chemically similar to table sugar (sucrose), concerns have been raised because of how high-fructose corn syrup is processed. Some believe that your body reacts differently to high-fructose corn syrup than it does to other types of sugar. But research about high-fructose corn syrup is evolving. It basically means nobody is able to tell you they know EVERYTHING about that kind of sugar.

Some research studies have linked consumption of large amounts of any type of added sugar — not just high-fructose corn syrup — to such health problems as weight gain, dental cavities, poor nutrition, and increased triglyceride levels, which can boost your heart attack risk. But there is insufficient evidence to say that high-fructose corn syrup is less healthy than are other types of added sweeteners. HFCS has been classified generally recognized as safe (GRAS) by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration since 1976 Still…it would be extremely naïve if you didn’t take into account one very important factor – in the best interest of plenty of powerful, rich companies is to prove HFCS is harmless – just like any other kind of sugar. I would compare it to the situation of the tobacco companies which for many years, persistently and doggedly told their customers cigarettes were harmless. They used every trick in their books, tweaked and bought false research results, intimidated and blackmailed. The money they earned allowed them to do so and encouraged them to do even more. The situation might be repeating itself – we are speaking about equally affluent businesses.

 Finally people decided it was high time to lose some weight. Okey dokey. The food industry spotted another great opportunity right away - the creation of a new genre of food, something they knew the public would embrace with huge enthusiasm, believing it to be better for their health. The market for "low fat" products was born. Overnight, new products arrived on the shelves, products that seemed too good to be true. Low-fat yoghurts, spreads, even desserts and biscuits. All with the fat taken out, and replaced with sugar – yummy hings you could eat without pangs of conscience- but are they really so innocent? Britain was one of the most enthusiastic adopters of what food writer Gary Taubes, author of Why We Get Fat, calls "the low-fat dogma", with sales rocketing. However, when you take the fat out of a recipe, food tastes like cardboard, and you need to replace it with something – that something being sugar. By the mid-80s, health experts such as Professor Philip James, a world-renowned British scientist who was one of the first to identify obesity as an issue, were noticing that people were getting fatter and still no one could explain why. 


The food industry was keen to point out that individuals must be responsible for their own calorie consumption (they are always responsible, aren’t they), but even those who exercised regularly and ate low-fat products were gaining weight. In 1966 the proportion of people with a BMI of over 30 (classified as obese) was just 1.2% for men and 1.8% for women. By 1989 the figures had risen to 10.6% for men and 14.0% for women. And no one was joining the dots between HFCS and fat. Moreover, there was something else going on. The more sugar we ate, the more we wanted, and the hungrier we became. At New York University, Professor Anthony Sclafani, a nutritionist studying appetite and weight gain, noticed something strange about lab rats. When they ate rat food, they put on weight normally. But when they ate processed food from a supermarket, they ballooned in a matter of days. Their appetite for sugary foods was insatiable: they just carried on eating. According to dr Tony Goldstone, one of the by-products of obesity is that a hormone called leptin ceases to work properly. Normally, leptin is produced by the body to tell you that you are full. However, in obese people, it becomes severely depleted, and it is thought that a high intake of sugar is a key reason. When the leptin doesn't work, your body simply doesn't realize you should stop eating. Leptin raises a big question: did the food industry knowingly create foods that were addictive, that would make you feel as though you were never satisfied and always wanted more? I am fully aware that this is highly controversial. If it could be proved that at that some point the food industry became aware of the long-term, detrimental effects their products were having on the public, and continued to develop and sell them, the scandal would rival that of what happened to the tobacco industry. 





You might wonder: after all sugar is a natural product, right? Wrong. Let’s face it: neither table sugar nor HFCS would exist without human interaction and processing. You cannot just go to a field and squeeze corn syrup out of corn or sugar out of sugar beets or sugarcane. "Natural" or not, too much sweet stuff can't be good for you—even if it comes from what you might think of as natural sweeteners like honey, agave syrup (which is also highly refined and actually higher in fructose than HFCS) or raw sugar. Barry Popkin, Ph.D., a nutrition professor at the University of North Carolinal stresses that the real obesity problem doesn’t lie just with HFCS. Rather, it’s the fact that sugars from all sources have become so prevalent in our food supply, especially in our beverages. He scoffs at the “natural” sweeteners sometimes added to upscale processed foods like organic crackers and salad dressings. “They all have the same caloric effects as sugar,” he explains. “I don’t care whether something contains concentrated fruit juice, brown sugar, honey or HFCS. The only better sweetener option is ‘none of the above.’” Perhaps it is the wisest option, after all.


Finally let me add that the situation is not hopeless. Responding to the public mood, Starbucks last year removed the syrup from its bakery products, and several other brands including Gatorade sports drinks have cut back on its use. Hey, we are not that helpless as the customers after all!


My sources:


 http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2012/jun/11/why-our-food-is-making-us-fat
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01jxzv8http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2010/sep/15/high-fructose-corn-syrup-rename
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/High-fructose_corn_syrup
http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutrition_articles.asp?id=486
http://www.eatingwell.com/nutrition_health/nutrition_news_information/is_high_fructose_corn_syrup_bad_for_you 
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/high-fructose-corn-syrup/AN01588



Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Movie review: Snow White and the Huntsman

Directed by: Bryan Singer
Genre: Action/adventure drama
Cast:
Ravenna: Charlize Theron
Snow White: Kristen Stewart
The Huntsman: Chris Hemsworth
King Magnus: Noah Huntley
Finn (Ravenna’s brother) :Sam Spruel
Year: 2012
MPAA rating: PG-13


My impressions:


In the kingdom of idiocy a halfwit can be a king…King Magnus, a heavily depressed widower, fits the bill. You see, after the death of his wife he was attacked by an army of strange, black zombies. Not even asking one single question he went into battle and defeated them all. On the battlefield his people found a closed cart with a young woman inside. As soon as Magnus saw her he thought: ”A perfect candidate for a Queen – a dirty, stinking, helpless blonde in rags, moaning like a weak kitten. What’s more I know nothing about her or her kin…just great! Who needs all those pesky in-laws?”
Poor king, apparently nobody has informed him that physical exercise is good for depression or maybe his BDSM proclivities kicked in as well; anyway he and the hapless blonde, called Ravenna, married the very next day. During their wedding night Ravenna showed her ugly side. Not only she told her new husband that in her humble opinion all men are chauvinistic swines (and he was necking her so nicely at the time, poor idiot) but also she killed him with a vicious-looking dagger soon afterwards, not even waiting for his opinion. Still Ravenna wasn’t aware that idiocy has already infected her. The proof? She let princess Snow White live. Why? Apparently because the girl had paid her a rather trivial, childish compliment. Or maybe the Queen has already been planning committing suicide by Snow White in the near future? Who knows?

Anyway our dear Ravenna kills her hubby in their bed and NOBODY reacts or investigates or at least says in a polite, cultured voice: “oh really?”.Obviously Magnus had very few friends in his own castle. Then the new Queen calls her buddies in, a band of thugs commanded by her brother Finn, and she starts the reign of terror. Woohooo! You see, she is an evil witch who only thinks of her own beauty and powers – in order to stay on top she feeds off young, pretty girls, sucking the vital forces out of them. A regular vampire, Bella Swann/Cullen, would approve but Snow White is not given such an opportunity - she is imprisoned in a tower. Still it is obvious that somebody regulates her eyebrows from time to time so it is perhaps not so bad. Meanwhile her evil stepmother bathes in milk wearing nothing but her crown (seriously, I would like that bathtub of hers) and consults her faithful mirror. Everybody who counts is happy as the kingdom turns into a Goth’s paradise with naked trees, ravens cawing and people wearing stylish black leather clothes and heavy make-up when idiocy strikes back.



The mirror informs the Queen that Snow White, now fully-grown and completely stupid young woman, is actually more beautiful than her and might defeat her one day. Well, I looked and looked and couldn’t see how it might be possible: Kristen with her long teeth and equally long, narrow face being prettier than Charlize…maybe the mirror, infected by the omnipresent idiocy, lied. Well, look for yourself - who is prettier? Is there a big difference? BTW I like Charlize's dress far more.




Ok, dum-dum-dum-dum Ravenna finds out that only by tearing Snow White’s heart out she will be safe. No problem. She sends her brother to fetch the princess from her tower but she's just made a big mistake – poor Finn in his badly fitting white-blond wig and with a scared face (thus we know he is a baddie) has been fascinated by Snow White for some time now and, lost in a fantasy of giving the girl the first proper grope, he allows her to escape into Black Forest. A small army of people is chasing her and yet she escapes. Yes, Finn and his men got that stupid.

From now on idiocy is spreading on whenever Snow White happens to show her pale, narrow face. It clings to her like noxious fumes; soon it infects the Huntsman, sent to find the girl, and everybody around them, including one poor digital troll, a pair of albino elves-monkeys and a band of dwarves. Ravenna is hardly immune - she has one perfect opportunity to kill Snow White when she, incarnating William, gives her that poisoned apple  and then she loses plenty of time gloating and prattling. Idiocy. The movie ends as it should – Snow White is revived by a kiss (not telling whose) and Ravenna is killed by her nemesis clad in a heavy armour, Jeanne d’Arc style. Then Snow White is crowned as the next queen. Still I fear it is not the real end; apparently the producers are planning a sequel because our sweet heroine hasn’t married (or at least bedded) either the grumpy Huntsman (bad breath and too high alcohol intake I suppose) or her childhood aristocratic friend, William (too long teeth make him look a bit like rabbit when he smiles). I sniff a romantic trio. Haven’t I repeated over and over again that idiocy is spreading?

Final verdict:

What could be said...imagine you are a woman who, by sheer luck, has found out how to keep your beauty and youth intact while living like forever. What would you do? Would your first option be invading a kingdom after a kingdom, killing your new husband every time and estranging even those people who really like black leather clothes with studs? Would you ask anxiously a certain magical artifact over and over again 'who is the fairest of them all' even though you don't know where it keeps its brains? No? Don’t watch this movie then – it is not worth it. Not even the special effects. Not even the closing song by Florence and the Machine. The song (Breath of Life), though, is worth listening to but it can be found on Youtube for free- enjoy!