Thoughtful Thursday, 10 February - love at first sight

Welcome to Thoughtful Thursday!

This week I would like to ask you whether or not you believe in love at first sight - maybe you have even experienced it?

There must be a reason why love at first sight is such a common trope in Western literature (especially YA novels) - in many books we often read how a person, character, or speaker feels romantic attraction for a stranger on the first sight of them. Elaborated upon by poets and critics from the Greek world on, it has become also one of the most powerful tropes in Western fiction. Romeo and Julietta is one of the most widely known examples (and you can quote many many more).

Research has shown two bases for love at first sight. The first is that the attractiveness of a person can be very quickly determined, with the average time in one study being 0.13 seconds. The second is that the first few minutes of a relationship have shown to be predictive of the relationship's future success, more so than what two people have in common or whether they like each other. In such a subjective area research and scientists are one thing, your personal experiences are quite another, though.

Now some quotes I found about this topic (and love in general):

"What's so remarkable about love at first sight? It's when people have been looking at each other for years that it becomes remarkable" ~Unknown 

 

You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip.  ~Jonathan Carroll, "Outside the Dog Museum"

Who would give a law to lovers?  Love is unto itself a higher law.  ~Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, A.D. 524

            Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.  ~Lord Dewar

 Great love affairs start with Champagne and end with tisane.  ~Honoré de Balzac

A lover is a man who tries to be more amiable than it is possible for him to be.  ~Nicholas de Chamfort

 If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?  ~Author Unknown

Anyone can catch your eye, but it takes someone special to catch your heart.  ~Author Unknown

 

Now please let me know your thoughts!

Boetius teaching his students via Wikipedia

 

Review: Lost in Translation by Eva Hoffman

Paperback: 288 pages

Publisher: Penguin (Non-Classics) (March 1, 1990)

Language: English

Cover via Amazon

ISBN-10: 0140127739

ISBN-13: 978-0140127737

genre: autobiography

level: adult

A note: although the titles are the same this book is not connected in any way to Sofia Coppola's Oscar-winning Lost in Translation movie.

Synopsis:

Eva Hoffman is the daughter of Holocaust survivors, a Jewish couple who miraculously managed to remain hidden during the WWII and avoided death. After the war they settled down in Cracow (Kraków) but at the end of an anti-Semitic purge, initiated by Polish communists in the 50s, they decided enough was enough and emigrated to Vancouver (1959). Eva, a clever, sensitive girl and a budding pianist, felt it especially keenly - at the tender age of 13 had to find a way to integrate with a completely new culture in a country she hardly knew anything about.

Hoffman’s story doesn’t sound like a typical tale of great immigrant success. It is richer, more complex  and more ambiguous for one thing. The first section of the book, “Paradise,” centers on Eva’s childhood and happy early adolescence in Cracow. “Exile” describes the voyage to Canada and her years in Vancouver, while “The New World” recounts the long process of her assimilation as an American (she studied and then has made career in the USA) and her discovery that she is finally at home in the new reality. All of it is peppered with vivid anecdotes and vigorous philosophical insights on Old World Cracow and Ivy League America; it also includes the poignant story of her parents’ survival during the war and how they coped in post-war Poland and Canada. Let me only say here that Eva’s parents, like many other emotionally scarred war heroes and survivors, had the most difficult path to follow.

What I liked:

At the beginning I was worried that this book would be too much about anti-Semitism in Poland and elsewhere, which is still a trendy subject, but it was not the case. Eva Hoffman wrote a penetrating, lyrical memoir – she describes Polish anti-Semitism as she and her family were its victims but also the degradations suffered by immigrants in Canada; her own cultural nostalgia combined with self-analysis and intellectual passion. I loved such a rich mixture but I admit sometimes the language of the book was so sophisticated that I had to look up a word or two in my biggest dictionary – it was not an “easy” read.

The plot was very well-paced, not too lengthy, not too fast. The bits she wrote about Poland were truly spot-on in more than one way – I could relate to young Eva without any problems. What’s more, the book helped me to imagine and to organize the strange sensations that come with the leaving/arriving to another country. How the language affects the way we think, act and joke, how sadness and happiness are mingled into one strange feeling, how we cope and forget without noticing, and how we urge to succeed and prove that we can be part of the new country. Finally how every country has its advantages and disadvantages (the grass is greener on the other side of the fence just because we imagine it to be so).

Hoffman’s book title is a bit misleading, for in the end the novel celebrates all that is not lost in translation: the shared humanity that enables people to cross linguistic and cultural borders, sometimes against the odds. The ending is very positive.

What I didn’t like:

Here I have a real problem for the first time. I liked pretty much everything – even the fact that this book wasn’t so easy to read and  from time to time it forced me to extend my English vocabulary.

Final verdict:

It is a book I would recommend to anyone who would want to understand immigrants better but especially to those who have been thinking about going to a foreign country for an extended period of time. Even in the era of the Internet and cable TV, when it seems we’ve seen everything everywhere, there are aspects of immigration which you won’t understand until you experience them yourself. This book hints at them teaching a very valuable lesson.

A history of St Valentine's Day (full of nasty remarks, pretty pictures, weird events and dates)

To-morrow is Saint Valentine's day,
All in the morning betime,
And I a maid at your window,
To be your Valentine.
Then up he rose, and donn'd his clothes,
And dupp'd the chamber-door;
Let in the maid, that out a maid
Never departed more.

—William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act IV, Scene 5

Shakespeare might sound nice and funny but when it comes to St. Valentine's day I must admit it is one of my least favourite holidays. Seriously. I hate it, especially its commercial aspect - this savagely imposed regime of sugar-coated spending designed to swindle  spare cash out of lovers and would-be lovers worldwide. What kind of holiday is it when its main, thinly veiled aim is to drive huge sales of chocolate (often stale) flowers (artificial or overpriced or both) and jewellery (no matter whether made of plastics or diamonds but often in Chinese prisons)? I was sure the whole thing was arranged by a free market demon (or a fallen angel – practically the same evil entity if you ask me) not so long ago. I couldn’t be more wrong. Know thy enemy, right? No more false assumptions then. Here I would like to present the history of St.Valentine’s day in a form of a concise calendar. Let’s start from…

Ancient Rome

Romulus and Remus fed by a she-wolf via Wikipedia

 

Historians trace the origin of Valentine's Day to the Roman Empire. Small wonder – pretty much everything important in our culture can be traced to the ancient Greece or Rome. It is said that Romans observed a holiday on February 14th to honor Juno - the queen of Roman gods and goddesses. They also regarded Juno as the goddess of women and marriage. On the following day, February 15th, began the fertility festival called 'Feast of Lupercalia'. The Lupercalia was celebrated to honor the gods Lupercus (a wolf god protecting shepherds and their flock) and Faunus (the Roman god of ariculture) besides the legendary founders of Rome, Romulus and Remus. It was marked in a different way than today, however. According to Noel Lenski, classics professor at the University of Colorado at Boulder, young men would strip naked and use goat- or dog-skin whips to spank the backsides of young women in order to improve their fertility. Call it a holiday - no chocolates, no flowers, no cards, no need to purchase anything (stray dogs and goats at that time could be found anywhere). All you needed was a bit of luck with your girl and a whip.

  On the eve of the festival names of young Roman girls were written on a slip of paper and placed into jars. Each young man drew out a girl's name from the jar and was paired with the girl for the duration of Lupercalia. Sometime pairing lasted for a year until next year's celebration (in other words some backsides were worth looking at for the second or even third time). Quite often, the couple would fall in love with each other and later marry. If not, there were always next Lupercalia and another chance.

Circa AD 197

Image via Wikipedia

 

A Christian known as Valentine of Terni was martyred
in the reign of Emperor Aurelian. Little is known of his life, except that he was made Bishop of Interamna (now Terni) in AD 197 and died not too long after. He was apparently imprisoned, tortured and beheaded on the Via Flaminia in Rome for his Christianity by the order of a Roman prefect. According to legend, he died on 14 February, but you shouldn’t believe it - it is likely a later addition.

Another Christian, Valentine of Rome, was martyred, this time under Emperor Claudius. A priest or bishop in the city, he was apparently arrested for giving aid to prisoners. While in jail, he is said to have converted his jailer by healing his blind daughter's sight. According to another, later version, he is said to have fallen in love with the daughter, sending her a note saying “From your Valentine”just before his execution, but this is plainly apocryphal. In yet another, equally unlikely version, Claudius was claimed to have banned young men from marrying so that they would make better soldiers (a pile of rubbish this argument), and Valentine was arrested for secretly carrying out weddings (ha, ha very funny). Like his earlier namesake, Valentine of Rome allegedly died on 14 February, but – again – it seems it was simply chosen as a convenient date to make of him a patron of this holiday. If nobody knows when he died he could have died in the middle of February to suit our pockets and purposes, right?

Circa AD 496

Image via Wikipedia

The Pope, Gelasius, declared 14 February to be St Valentine's Day (no matter after which Valentine), a Christian holiday. It was a part of a very popular politics of the Church at that time -  if you can't beat them (the pagans) join them. Apparently the old  festival of Lupercalia was too popular among people to be eliminated. The saint in question was so evidently spurious that he was deleted from the Roman calendar of saints in 1969 by Pope Paul VI but of course who needs to know all these stupid little details, the show must go on. Now let’s jump some centuries to land in…

AD 1382

Richard II of England Wikipedia

 

Geoffrey Chaucer writes his Parlement of Foules (or “Parliament of Fowls”), which is widely taken to be the first linking of St Valentine's Day to romantic love. During the Middle Ages, people in England and France held a belief that birds started to look for their mate from February 14. This popular notion further helped to link Valentine's Day - celebrated in the middle of the February, with love and romanceCelebrating the engagement of Richard II of England and Anne of Bohemia, Chaucer wrote: “For this was on St. Valentine's Day/ When every fowl cometh there to choose his mate.” However, it is thought that this may have referred to 2 May, the saint's day in the liturgical calendar of Valentine of Genoa – this would be a more likely time for birds to be mating in England and in the rest of Europe too. 

AD 1400

 

On St Valentine's Day a court is opened in Paris, the High Court of Love, dealing with affairs of the heart: marriage contracts, divorces, infidelity, and beaten spouses. A few years later, Charles, the Duke of Orleans allegedly writes the first recorded Valentine's note to his beloved, while imprisoned in the Tower of London following capture at the Battle of Agincourt in 1415. Maybe it was only a simple letter but you know, nobody can be sure so...

AD 1601

Shakespeare via Wikipedia

 

St Valentine's Day has entered the popular consciousness to the extent that one William Shakespeare mentions it in Ophelia's lament in Hamlet: “To-morrow is Saint Valentine's day,/All in the morning betime,/And I a maid at your window,/To be your Valentine.” I love Shakespeare so more of it is quoted above.

Mid-18th century

Image via Wikipedia

The passing of love-notes becomes popular in England, a precursor to the St Valentine's Day card as we know it today. Early ones are made of lace and paper. In 1797, the The Young Man’s Valentine Writer is published, suggesting appropriate rhymes and messages, and as postal services became more affordable, the anonymous St Valentine's Day card became possible. By the early 19th century, they become so popular that factories start to mass-produce them. 

AD 1847

 

Following the English tradition, Esther Howland of Worcester, Massachusetts, starts producing cards – using the newly available and much cheaper paper lace, imported from England – in the United States. One specimen can be admired in the picture above,

AD 1913

Horrible pink lady with a pink heart (a valentine card which would make me commit murder) via Wikipedia

 

You might as well call this date the end of St Valentine's
Day as a genuinely romantic event. Hallmark Cards produce their first Valentine. Woe is me. Now the date is the flagship “Hallmark Holiday” - together with Mothers' Day, Fathers' Day and so on, a series of celebrations notable mainly for the need to spend money, any heartfelt sentiment aside.

AD 1929

 

Al Capone, a ruthless gangster, and St Valentine's Day? Is there any connection? Yes, there is. The St Valentine's Day Massacre. A savage and bloody event I admit – five Chicago gangsters lined up and murdered with machine guns, apparently at the behest of our Al. I thought you would want to know. I wonder why he chose that day? A heartbreak perchance? A wrong card?

Mid-1980s

 

The commercialization continues at the dazzling speed: the diamond industry gets involved, promoting St Valentine's Day as a perfect time for giving expensive jewellery like a pendant above. The “tradition” takes off. Who said only poor people can be manipulated?

AD 2009 

St. Valentine's Day generates an estimated $14.7 billion (£9.2 billion) in retail sales in the United States. 

Apparently the tradesmen and marketing gurus will do everything they can, try every dirty trick in their books, to make us believe we need such a holiday. They are desperate to keep good business growing. Who wouldn't, at their place? This year, however, if you feel an urge to buy something red, pink and tacky for your better (or worse) half on this day just ask yourself (and answer honestly, nobody listens) one simple question: 
"What am I really celebrating?" 

Sources:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/relationships/valentines-day/7187784/History-of-Valentines-Day.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/02/12/valentines-day-history-le_n_460139.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine%27s_Day

Review: The Girl Who Fell from the Sky by Heidi W. Durrow

Hardcover: 256 pages
Publisher: Algonquin Books; 1 edition (January 11, 2010)

Language: EnglishCover of The Girl Who Fell from the Sky

ISBN-10: 1565126807
ISBN-13: 978-1565126800
genre: contemporary fiction, YA (but definitely older YA or even adult)


I got this book courtesy of MissAttitude from Reading in Colour – thanks a lot!

Synopsis

Rachel Morse is the daughter of a Danish woman and African American G.I., stationed in Rammstein, Germany. With her light brown skin and blue eyes, Rachel doesn't see herself as anything but her parents' child. Then her parents quarrel and her mother, with Rachel and her siblings in tow, moves to Chicago in America. It was a bad decision for more than one reason – as a result a real tragedy strikes. Rachel, the only survivor, moves in again, this time with her paternal grandmother who lives in Portland Ore. Her life is not easy there- her grandma proves to be too rigid and judgmental so Rachel feels alienated, unable to fit into categories of white or black. Although told mostly from Rachel's point of view, the novel also follows Rachel's parents, her mother's sympathetic boss, Laronne, and Brick - a young boy who witnessed the family tragedy and was profoundly moved by it. Rachel has to find her own path and her own place in life. It won’t be an easy journey.

What I liked:

The Girl Who Fell From the Sky was an eye-opening read for me. I admit I have been woefully ignorant of the issues that bi-racial people face today in America. Apart from that it is one of those rare novels that speaks to what is deep within us all. I found it really beautifully written. Durrow draws us into the plot showing the world from the perspective of four main characters. Each narration is distinct, vibrant and complex.

The story unfolds in layers, slowly and magnificently – that’s why my synopsis is so short and vague, I really didn’t want to spoil you. It is the best when you have questions answered page by page until the story of the fall, the family secrets and history is revealed to you in different haunting and precious bits. Slowly you paint a picture of what this little biracial girl has to live with on her shoulders. Mind you this is definitely more than a story of a bi-racial girl and her ability to adapt to a new place. It is also a story of resiliency and hope and awareness and insight. That’s why this book is definitely more serious and mature than any ordinary “coming-of-age” novel. In fact, talking about so many complex, adult issues, it didn’t read like a YA book at all.

Rachel is one of the strongest and clear characters that I have come across recently - her characterization deep and astute. I related to Rachel although I didn’t lose my family to a terrible tragedy and I’m not biracial (whatever it might mean). However, I know what it feels like not to fit in in your own community and I know what it's like to be ridiculed and teased because you talk "adult" and got good grades.

What I didn’t like:

The ending. It was supposed to be rather positive – at least the authoress wanted it to be such, she stated it in one of her interviews. I somehow wished it was more rosy, more happy, especially for Rachel and for Brick. Durrow did a terrific job creating these two of her main characters. I felt completely invested in their struggles and their victories, and truthfully felt like I could have read another 100-200 more pages about both of them. Please, Ms. Durrow, write a sequel!

Final verdict:

Tragic but inspiring – I highly recommend it. It will stay with you long after you finish it. That's why I think it is...

Friday Fix is hosting me this week!

I dragged myself out of bed  just to let you know that today I am a guest at Melissa's awesome blog i swim for oceans. I treat it as my final English exam (I had to answer some tricky questions after all) so please go there and tell me whether you think I passed. ;)

Sorry, I think I am ill

Things might be a bit slower here for a day or two - it seems I am coming down with something nasty. I am still not sure whether it is flu, my old enemy or just common cold, my other old enemy. As soon as I feel better be sure I will try to return to normal blogging business. Stay warm and

healthy and look after yourself !

Image via Wikipedia

Wishful Wednesday, 2 February

The meme is hosted by Brooke Bluestocking Guide.

 Welcome to Wishful Wednesday!

This week I feel totally disgruntled by romance so my wish is pretty much as down-to-earth as it could be - a book about immigrants, an autobiography in fact -  

Lost in Translation by Eva Hoffman

Cover of Lost in Translation

Now a bit about the book.

Eva Hoffman was thirteen years old when, in 1949, she left Poland with her father, mother, and younger sister, traveling by ship to Canada, where the family settled in Vancouver, British Columbia. The Hoffmans had been among the small remnant of Jews in Poland after World War II, and they were never allowed to forget completely the irrational power of anti-Semitism. The family’s early years in Canada were hard--they began by selling second-hand merchandise (“junk,” Hoffman calls it) from a basement, later opening a store--but Eva excelled in high school and went on a scholarship to Rice University, where she majored in literature. She was an excellent pianist as well, and for a long time she considered a career in music, but ultimately, after receiving a doctorate in literature from Harvard University, she became a journalist, specializing in literary and cultural subjects; she is currently an editor at THE NEW YORK TIMES BOOK REVIEW.

source: http://www.enotes.com/lost-translation-eva-hoffman-salem/lost-translation