Silent Saturday

Fifty Shades of Twilight or a tale of two series

It was supposed to be a review but it turned into an essay about two series which annoy me horribly. Oh well. The best laid plans of mice and men...

( Wikipedia)

Once upon a time there was a nice lady called Stephenie Meyers who decided to write  books about a teenager girl and a sparkly vampire who shouldn't be named - they fell in love, married and had a child. Plenty of people read these novels (yours truly among them) and, as a result, their author became filthy rich very fast– no mean feat for a relatively inexperienced writer’s debut. Then the books were adapted for the screen and our author was simply raking in it. It’s not up to me to judge anybody here, filthy rich or otherwise; let me just observe that such a situation (wild popularity and profitability of the Twilight series) must have had a profound effect on the others. It was just a matter of ‘when’, not ‘if’. I doubt Ms Meyers was aware of it, though. Or maybe she was. Who knows?

Soon enough some readers started to amuse themselves writing Twilight-based fan fiction stories– longer or shorter novellas or even fully-fledged novels based more or less loosely on the characters from S. Meyers books. Other people have read them and have written some reviews – it seemed the fun would last forever. However, one day, one of these fan fic writers was offered a big fat check for her work which, back then, was entitled Master of the Universe and now can be bought in a form of a paper book under the title of Fifty Shades of Grey. Not sensational enough? Wait, there’s more!

Fifty Shades of Grey, written by E.L. James, is the first part of a trilogy (yeah, nothing less!) telling the love story of a young literature student (in her early twenties), Anastasia Steal, and a rich businessman, Christian Grey. Mr. Grey is smitten with Miss Steal but, as he is into BDSM sex and she is a shy, clumsy virgin, they have some serious issues. All of them are overcome very promptly – by sex. . I must admit highly disgusting and very badly written variation of BDSM sex – you can find out EXACTLY how disgusting reading some of the reviews, published e.g. on Goodreads (links to my favourites can be found below). I can only tell you that I yawned a lot during those supposedly 'hot' scenes and just skimmed/skipped them. 


The truth is that the similarities between the Twilight story and this one are obvious even for a layman’s eye And guess what? Despite immature blunders like very awkward narration style (Those ellipses! Those constant referring to Ana's/ Bella's ‘inner goddess’ ! Those ‘Oh my’s’!!), the fact that the characterization simply lacks any significant depth, this book has been an exceptional publishing success and its writer has earned a staggering amount of money – seven digits, no less. The book also started a hurricane of controversy and criticism and for more than one reason. Now prepare yourself for the first big shock.

Twilight versus MotU/ 50 Shades – a comparison using  just a few chosen examples

 Twilight series                                                       MotU/50 Shades 

                                                          

Main leads: Bella Swan , an awkward high school student and a dazzling, extremely handsome  but dangerous vampire, Edward Cullen; Bella’s parents are divorced, her dad is a cop. Edward is an adoptive child of a doctor.	Main leads: Bella Swan/ Anastasia Steal, a very awkward university student and Edward Cullen/ Christian Grey, a very handsome but dangerous communication media tycoon. Ana’s parents are divorced, her dad is a cop. Christian is an adoptive child of a doctor.
Bella falls for Edward immediately and vice versa but he warns she should stay away from him. Oh and he saves her life.	Ana falls for Christian immediately and vice versa but he warns she should stay away from him. Oh and he saves her life.
1st person narration (Bella’s voice) with plenty of ellipses.	1st person narration (Ana’s voice) with plenty of ellipses.
Bella’s childhood friend is in love with her but she doesn’t reciprocate the feelings	Ana’s childhood friend is in love with her but she doesn’t reciprocate the feelings
Edward proposes to Bella and they marry.	Christian proposes to Ana (I bet they will marry in the next part)
Edward’s family approve of Bella.	Christian’s family approve of Ana.

Similar?

Well, there are some other issues as well.

First of all, the fan fiction which had been published by the same person (E.L. James) before and freely accessible on the Internet even now (Google is your friend), is very similar to the text published by Vintage. If you want to compare those two you can do it going  here and here. As you can notice the main difference are the names of the main leads and some really meaningless editing. While it is firmly within the law I suppose it remains a question of ethics or rather lack thereof – why some ‘happy’ readers could access it for free whereas now other not so happy readers must pay something about 10$ for a copy of the same story?

Secondly E.L. James admitted that Twilight series was her inspiration but then she changed her mind, claiming that her book is original to a satisfactory degree so she didn’t  infringe on S. Meyers’ copyrights. I am not a lawyer but I suppose the case is interesting enough to ensure several years of lawsuits and courtroom circus. Of course you can argue that both series just base on the same literary tropes, taken straight from older books like Romeo and Juliet, Pride and Prejudice or Beauty and the Beast but still, in my humble option the similarities between these two are so obvious that you can start asking yourself what is going on…well, usually a vast amount of money is the best answer.All of these points would be enough to put me off of these but there is more.Unfortunately.

I find both series really unfit for their target audience. Let me explain why. I’m going to deal with Twilight first as it is older and still more popular than 50 Shades, especially among teenage girls. What does this series teach its young readers?  It seems that, especially from a male point of view, the only redeeming feature of the Twilight books and movies is the ammunition they provide against female claims of innate moral superiority over men. Or any superiority at all. Reading them you can find out that:

1.       If a boy is aloof, stand-offish, ignores you or is just rude, he must be secretly in love with you. As long as he is handsome and has great abs he can be simultaneously dimwitted, violent, self-centered, manipulative and vengeful.
2.     Its OK to lie to your parents if it's for love. Lying to your parents while you run away to another continent to save your suicidal boyfriend is a great, mature decision and something every girl seriously in love must do when there is such a need.
3. Its OK to commit grand theft auto as long as it's a good cause. Love is always a good cause.
4.   When you really love someone, it will be ok if you sneak into their house without their knowledge or consent; to stalk them or stare at them when they sleep is something pretty normal, even expected.
5. While your beloved is away, it is OK to date a guy who clearly wants more than just innocent friendship. String him along for months - you might kiss once or twice just for comparison’s sake. Remember, an attractive girl will be able to have at least two suitors at the same time.
6.  Boys who leave you always come back and you can make that comeback more romantic if you put yourself in very dangerous situations. A staged suicide might be a great idea
7.   Boys can be changed for the better if a girl sacrifices everything and devotes herself completely to their needs. Spoil them rotten – only then they will treat you nicely.
8. You might be an intelligent young girl who wants to finish her secondary school, go to a university, obtain her degree and start an independent career but still you will only succeed and will be made happy at all if the right man asks you to marry him.
9. When you are unmarried sex is dangerous (but there is no harm in dating, kissing and petting, even sharing the same bed with your boyfriend, just remember, no sex).  After the marriage sex is still dangerous but you will crave it madly anyway and you will do anything to get some more. Protection? What’s that?

As you see the list is quite long and chilling although I limited it to just my main problems with Twilight. What about 50 Shades? Fortunately that one is aimed at more mature audience, even dubbed ‘Twilight for adults’ or ‘Mommy porn’; still you can be practically sure some teenagers will read it too. What can they find out?

1)      Its OK to be seduced by a complete stranger, life is short and you shouldn't waste time getting to know him better; anyway as long as he is rich, handsome and has great abs he can be simultaneously dimwitted, violent, self-centered, sadistic and vengeful.

2)      If he prefers a bit more ‘original’ sex you should do everything to satisfy his needs including utter objectification and submission. You will love it even though he might ask you to sign a several-page contract that allows him a complete control over your life.

3)      Being a virgin is ‘an issue’ but every problem can be solved by sex. A lot of sex. The more the better. Remember, an attractive girl/woman will be able to have at least two suitors at the same time.

4)      Men can be changed for the better if a woman sacrifices everything and devotes herself completely to their needs. Spoil them rotten – maybe they will treat you nicely.

5)      If you really love someone you should allow him to rule your life and manipulate you into uncomfortable situations. As men are naturally dominant, women should be submissive and hope for the best.

6)      Women don’t know what’s good for them and are often undecided. If a woman says ‘no’ deep down she still most likely means ‘yes’. Men know best and it’s up to them to decide.

7)      Sex is dangerous and painful but you will still crave it madly if you only start having it. You will do anything, turn into the commonest slut, to get some more.

8)      You might be an intelligent woman who wants to finish her studies, obtain a degree and start an independent career but still you only will succeed in your life and be made happy at all if the right man asks you to marry him.

Nothing serious? Nothing to worry about?

You might tell me now that these two positions just describe some fantasies young girls or not-so-young women might nurture in private but I think their huge popularity is quite dangerous as it also says something about the society at large (and more specifically about women as both authors and the majority of their audiences are females). If you write about rape or/and manipulating the other human being by using any form of pressure (sex included) in positive terms some people will think it is basically a proper behaviour whereas in reality it is just abuse plain and simple. Women have spent years trying to get equal treatment (still a matter of distant future in so many countries even in Western Europe and in the USA)  and now some spoilt female authors write tasteless fantasies about being stalked, beaten, raped and basically tortured and their heroines, allegedly modern human beings, simply love it. How can we ever expect change if those kinds of fantasies are put on the forefront? What bothers me most is that these are women who are writing most of the books that degrade women. How could they possibly feel okay about that? Do they think only about the money they can earn? Is there no social responsibility or simple decency left? I know, I am being ridiculously idealistic, but still...

In reference to initially writing Fifty as the fan fiction work 'Master of the Universe,' Ms James said: “I have done it as a sort of exercise … to see if I could … and I think I have proven that I can … I now want to capitalize on it…” Then she went on to say: “Well don’t tell anyone – I have visions of being interviewed by Time Magazine for revolutionizing publishing…” (This must be a joke considering the state in which her 'book' was released after all those supposed edits).

I must admit that in my very humble opinion James has very little in the way of character or integrity and was too attached to her money before she even made it. Will you make her even richer and more complacent, buying such crappy books as hers? Everybody should answer this question on his or her own.

Sources and reviews:

 http://bit.ly/dWb60R 

http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/224923885?page=5&type=review#comment_47611713

http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/224923885

http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/299198434

http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/203806653

http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/188642096

Marysue.com gives a very closer look at 50 Shades and how it’s success is feeding the process that has turned the Twilight Fan Fiction Fandom into a Book Mill, churning out rework fan fiction as original novels.


http://bit.ly/kVsbeO
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/67337455/SQID-EL... 
http://www.mediabistro.com/galleycat/fifty-shades-of-grey-wayback-machine_b49124

Review: The Ethical Assasin by David Liss

Cover of The Ethical Assassin: A Novel

Book info:
Form: paperback
Genre: criminal mystery, thriller, contemporary fiction
Target audience: adults
Pages: 327
Publisher: Ballantine Books

Synopsis:

Can murder be justified, even called the most sensible course of action in some circumstances? Is the life or animals always worth less than the life of human beings? Should cruelty, corruption and greed of big corporations and individuals be condoned just because there’s no better option? What are prisons really for? Young Lemuel Altick will have to find answers to those questions while earning college money as a door-to-door salesman of worthless encyclopedias.

One day, while trying to sell his wares to the inhabitants of a dingy trailer somewhere in rural Florida, Lem witnesses a double assassination. The perpetrator, Melford Kean, seems to be far from an ordinary ruthless thug, though. Instead of shooting the hapless witness along with the others he suggests a deal: stay quiet, don’t contact the police, and everything will be fine. It is one of these propositions you simply can’t refuse but it is hardly an end of Lem’s problems.

He finds himself drawn against his will into the realm of the assassin, a post-Marxist intellectual with whom he forms a kind of a friendship. Who Melford really is? A charming vegan sociopath, an eco-activist, or a lonely vigilante for social justice?  To unravel the mystery and save himself, Lem must descend deep into a bizarre world he never knew existed, where a group of desperate–and genuinely deranged–schemers have hatched a plan that will very likely keep Lem from leaving town alive.

What I liked:

• The plot. I love when a mystery is skillfully done and this one was really refined and complex. It starts slowly - at first it seems nothing fits – we meet a bunch of unpleasant guys who do unpleasant things without even a shred of remorse. The more you read the clearer it gets, like a jigsaw puzzle which you try to assemble without looking at a model pic. I found it truly entertaining, intelligent and clever.
• The lead characters. Lem is our usual ingénue who grows up while solving a mystery and saving his life but he is not one of these ‘too stupid to live’ boys/girls who must be led by a hand and constantly watched over by an older mentor. It is true that Melford shoves him towards the right direction from time to time but overall the boy can think and take decisions on his own, mainly because he has been forced to do so from his childhood. By the way the title assassin is a joy to read. Does he belong to white or black hats? His actions will make you change your mind more than once but you will enjoy reading about him.
• The baddies. They are well-rounded, real-life criminals – those who are successful and skilled, evading the justice by exploring the holes in the system. I liked it very much how the author described mechanisms of different scams, the seamy underworld of an allegedly peaceful backwater town. It ringed true. Even the fact that they used such a foul language didn’t deter me – after all you can’t expect a hardened criminal to speak like the Queen of England or a news anchor.
• The pace of narration. After first several chapters you’ll find yourself glued to this book. It is highly readable, as all Liss’s novels I’ve read so far.
• Dark comedic undertones – I LOVE this kind of humour.
• The death of the major villain. Dear me, it was a bit of justice I wouldn’t have imagined, not in a hundred years – horrible, disgusting, bloody but so right.
• The cover - it fits the story.

What I didn’t like:

• Female characters. It seems Mr. Liss has a problem here. Compared to two leads, mentioned above (Lem and Melford) the ladies are simply pale and insignificant. Chitra, the fellow encyclopedia peddler from India, is almost like a carton cut-out girl or a prop for Lem – pretty eye candy whose main role is similing, swooning and whispering ‘my hero’. Desiree, the young charge of B.B., a secondary male character, is better but it features in too few scenes to be really a significant player; there is more background to her actions, but she is not strong enough to stand on her own feet. Pity – I would enjoy more of her and generally more gender ballance for sure.
• Sometimes the book sounded a bit too preachy but fortunately the author never overdid it.

Final verdict:

David Liss is mainly known as the author of Conspiracy of Paper series (if you can call it that) , three great historical fiction novels which I enjoyed very much. The Ethical Assassin shows that he can write contemporary fiction as well. I recommend this book to all those who like intricate mystery thrillers which focus not only on a simple ‘whodunnit’ but also on more serious issues like animal rights. It is perhaps not a work of pure genius but it will keep you intelligently entertained -  you won't regret the time spent with it. 

Silent Sunday

Friday Fiction Flash - I am back!

Amy C at Romance Book Wyrm and Dottie atTink's Place have come up with the idea for a Monday Morning Flash Fiction challenge. Each Monday a new picture prompt will be posted and if you choose to participate - you publish your Fiction Flash  on Friday - 350 words, give or take.

I tried to post these on LiveJournal, but that particular site exhausted my patience - it seems they have always some problems and demands. Here I am back again after a very short fling.

The prompt for this week:

The weather was fine although a bit cold - perfect for a training session. Mara has been airborne for some hours, circling the castle on her dragon and  trying new maneuvres when a pair of lovers, standing on the other side of the lake, caught her attention. She  saw them perfectly well despite the distance - the air was clear and the sun was shining - and she couldn't believe her own eyes. They were kissing and laughing and whispering and kissing some more. Anger shot through her like a lightining, her dragon floating aimlessly now, the reins almost forgotten.

So that what it was really about. Her husband and her cousin -  disappearing mysteriously at roughly the same time, constantly looking for excuses when they were asked to attend a simple meeting or a meal, following each other with hungry eyes whenever they thought nobody was paying attention. Tears of shame stung in her eyes but she  sweeped them instantly. She was the Queen, she had to act not to fall into pieces. Act before it was too late.

Mara returned to the castle and took care of her dragon, givning it a slow, well-deserved scrubbing bath. Dragons, unlike horses or dogs, tollerated only the touch of one person, their rightful owner. They were highly faithful pets and dangerous weapons. Mara had never appreciated it so much as today. Her beast was gorgeous, white and gold with blue markings, emanating strength and confidence. When she stroked its head it closed big, amber eyes and made low, rumbling sounds. Purring. It made her feel loved, safe and strong. It was better than thousands of words. Mara went to her rooms definitely more composed, changed into a hunting outfit, ate a simple meal and signalled for a messenger. A slender boy entered her room and bowed. She didn't even bother to look at him.

"Please find His Highness my consort and tell him I want a word in my private chamber. If he hasn't returned yet leave a message with his valet or a bodyguard but make sure he will get it as soon as possible. It's urgent."

The messenger bowed again and left.

She didn't have to wait long. In fact she was surprised how quickly he come to her room, dressed in a simple shirt, a leather vest and breeches, with half-long silver hair damp from washing, gorgeous as ever. His sapphire eyes, big and moist, were so beautiful and innocent. So deceitful. She sighed softly.

"Mara? You wanted to see me..."

She couldn't stop drowning in his eyes even after a year of marriage. It was so humiliating. It hurt. Finally she managed to ask:

"How long?"

His surprise was too perfect to be genuine.

"How long what, my lady wife?"

"How long have you been cheating on me with that strumpet?"

He blinked several times, his rosy lips slack, revealing white even teeth. He was such a good actor. If she hadn't seen him kissing her cousin with her own eyes she would have believed any cock-and-bull story he might invent. She'd always trusted him. She wanted to. She was so blind. Fortunately he had a good sense to keep mum now. Mara clenched her fists, feeling the nails breaking the skin of her palms. Pain helped her to focus.

"Answer me you cowardly mongrel!!How LONG?!?!" she yelled.

He straightened his back a bit.

"Since the very beginning. You know the best that our marriage was a matter of conveniece, not feelings. I've fallen in love with Sheen since I arrived to this castle and saw her in your retinue. I am sorry. I couldn't help it. I hope you comprehend"

His voice was low and matter-of-factly calm which only made her more furious. He soiled their sacred vows, broke her heart, endangered the kingdom and he was just sorry. He knew Mara well enough to get the meaning of her silence - she watched him getting paler and paler, the stunning blue eyes even more visible in his paper-white face. When she spoke she couldn't recognize her own voice - it had the tones of a dragon roar.

"I should flay you and execute for high treason but I don't want a scandal - I am the Queen and I feel responsible for the whole kingdom. Let's solve the matter in private. If you really love her, take her and run, as fast as you can, because in one hour I will be hunting and if I catch you, any of you, I will kill. A nice little dragon accident. Don't count on my mercy. However, if you manage to escape...I might let you live. For the time being."

A little mean smile curved her lips. Her husband swallowed hard and went out, breaking into a nervous trot even before he reached the treshhold of her chamber.

"Coward", she hissed after him.

Movie review: Mirror Mirror directed by Tarsem Singh

Screenplay: Jacob Grimm, Wilhelm Grimm, Melissa Wallack, Jason Keller
Starring: Julia Roberts (The Queen),Lily Collins (Snow White), Armie Hammer (Prince Alcott), Jordan Prentice (Napoleon), Sean Bean (King), Nathan Lane (Brighton)
Year: 2012
MPAA Rating: PG
Theatrical Release:3.30.2012

Plot:

The story of Snow White is retold from the perspective of her stepmother, the Queen - an ambitious and still beautiful but no longer very young woman. Some time ago she stole the control of a fairy tale kingdom making her husband king disappear in an enchanted forest. Now the Queen needs money because she has become a rather high maintenance item. You get the drift - all those beauty products, clothes, jewellery and make-up...and with her charms fading she is hardly inclined to economize. Her stepdaughter, Snow White, is kept isolated in the palace. The Queen lets circulate rumours that Snow White is insane. 

One day a young prince from a rich country arrives to the castle. He has been robbed by a band of dwarves (yes, seven little fellows, very skilled at robbing) and he needs help. And clothes.  The Queen decides to marry him but he's already fallen in love with Snow White who had stumbled across him while taking an illicit stroll in the forest. However, the evil Queen is not to be underestimated. After talking at length with her own mirror reflection (after all there is nothing better like talking to somebody intelligent and discreet even if a bit too honest for your tastes) she decides that firstly Snow White must die very soon and secondly her prince must get a potion called puppy love...and marry.

Poor dear, she forgets that you should never trifle with magic because you will be forced to pay through your nose no matter whether you like it or not. Most likely you won't like it.

What I liked:

Julia Roberts as the evil Queen was simply delicious. In my humble opinion 

the older she gets the better she plays. The best scenes with her? The spa of the Queen and the preparation for her 5th (sic!) marriage. Oh and getting through that enchanted mirror. Lily Collins was not bad but I admit Julia stole the show for me. It was enough to look at her beautiful baroque dresses and shoes - pure heaven! And that diamond crescent necklace! I want one! I bet it will be the most fashionable piece of jewellery this summer, especially as it might come with a certain beast attached...

The plot was quite nice but also quite predictable. There was one twist I haven't seen coming, concerning the identity of the beast which terrorized people of the kingdom but otherwise it was easy to follow - you could concentrate on the sense of humour and different referrences instead.

Speaking about the sense of humour - I did enjoy myself but I think not as much as I was supposed to. Of course almost all best lines were by Julia Roberts and the dwarves.

The ending was quite funny but appropriate - it is a movie directed by an Indian so the final scene was like a ball in Bollywood, with everybody dancing, singing and whatnot (actually it is the first scene of the trailer, posted below). Almost everybody. It was strange that Snow White danced solo... Oh, and a short description of the careers of the seven dwarves at the end was a nice touch too.

What I didn't like:

The scenery. The movie was shot in a snow-covered winter landscape. I understood it as an allegory - the country, reigned by the evil Queen has been 'frozen' due to her financial excesses; its economical and geo-political situation deteriorating as the percentage of people living below the powerty line has been raising dramatically; small wonder the country's credit rating has been  falling steeply for the sixth consecutive month, its stock exchange...(ok, my inner economist is hiding back in the closet) you get the picture.

Well, the whole ' permanent winter in Narnia' thing would be more believable if only the actors were dressed properly. Instead the director wants me to believe that Snow White is comfortable cavorting on snow in a low-cut blouse (gorgeous in colour but still exposing not only her neck but also her shoulders) and the prince is able to hang upside down with a naked torso and he is not even shivering. Tsk tsk. Never trust a guy from India when it comes to a proper winter.

I would also wish for more delicious twists and turns when it comes to the plot. True, Snow White never eats her apple and her companions are hardly seven innocent little dwarves but I felt it was still too bland. Do not despair, though - as the evil Queen is not dead there can be a sequel...

Final verdict:

A very nice, relaxing movie for the whole family especially if you like fairy tales and their modern adaptations. Overall a surprisingly decent job!

Hand of Glory

Have you read the Harry Potter series? If so, you might remember this magical device - a Hand of Glory-  purchased by Drako Malfoy, Harry's nemesis, at Borgin and Burkes. Drako used it to escape from the Room of Requirement after using Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder to make it impossible for anyone to see him leave the room.

Impressive? Well, there is more to it. The various powers ascribed to a Hand Of Glory include the ability to immobilize anyone who looks at it, or unlock any door it comes across. It was traditionally used by thieves, since it allowed them to see in otherwise total darkness, open locked doors, and immobilize guards. In some dark magical ceremonies, Hands of Glory were reputed to have been used as the source of illumination. Imagine my joy when I saw this artifact featured on one of my favourtie blogs,TYWKIWDBI ("Tai-Wiki-Widbee")  . I simply had to steal it:

Excerpts from a paragraph in "At Day's Close: Night in Times Past" -

"The most notorious charm, the "thief's candle," found ready acceptance in most parts of Europe. The candle was fashioned from either an amputated finger or the fat of a human corpse, leading to the frequent mutilation of executed criminals. Favored, too, were fingers severed from the remains of stillborn infants - because they had not been baptized, their magical properties were considered more powerful. To enhance the candle's potency, the hands of dead criminals, known as Hands of Glory, were sometimes employed as candlesticks.
Not unknown were savage attacks on pregnant women whose wombs were cut open to extract their young. In 1574, Nicklauss Stuller of Aydtsfeld was convicted of this on three occasioins, for which he was "torn thrice with red-hot tongs" and executed upon the wheel... Burglars used these gruesome amulets to make certain that families remained asleep while homes were plundered... Before entering a home in 1586, a German vagabond ignited the entire hand of a dead infant, believing that the unburned fingers signified the number of persons still awake. Even in the late eighteenth century, four men were charged with unearthing the recently interred corpse of a woman and removing her fat for a thief's candle. Her husband had grown suspicious after fishermen, looking for bait, found an amputated hand along the seashore."

And this interesting bit of postulated etymology, from Wikipedia:

Etymologist W.W. Skeat reports that, while folklore has long attributed mystical powers to a dead man's hand, the specific phrase "hand of glory" is in fact a folk etymology: it derives from the French "main de gloire", a corruption of mandragore, which is to say mandrake. Skeat writes: "The identification of the hand of glory with the mandrake is clinched by the statement in Cockayne's Leechdoms, i. 245, that the mandrake 'shineth by night altogether like a lamp.'" (Cockayne in turn is quoting Pseudo-Apuleius, in a translation of a Saxon manuscript of his Herbarium.) The photo shows a specimen in the Whitby Museum.

The mummified severed human hand in Whitby Museum was discovered in the early twentieth century hidden on the wall of a thatched cottage in Castleton by a stonemason and local historian, Joseph Ford. He immediately identified it from popular stories of such objects as a "Hand of Glory". It was given to Whitby Museum in 1935 and is the only alleged Hand known to survive. 

A Hand of Glory was supposedly the carefully prepared and "pickled" right hand of a felon, cut off while the body still hung from the gallows and used by burglars to send sleepers in a house into a coma from which they were unable to wake. In one version the clenched hand is used as a candleholder for a candle incorporating human fat, but in another (consistent with the Whitby hand) the outstretched hand has its own fingers lit. In this case should one of the fingers refuse to light it is a sign that someone in the household remains awake. In either case the light cannot be extinguished by water or pinching but only by blood or "blue" (skimmed) milk - the usual method in the tales.

Stories of the use of such hands became common across Europe, from Finland to Italy and Western Ireland to Russia in the last four hundred years. At least two were current in North Yorkshire, one relating to the Spital Inn on Stainmore in 1797 and the other to the Oak Tree Inn, Leeming, supposedly in 1824. The following shorter, but typical, version comes from Northumberland:


"One dark night, when all was shut up, there came a tap at the door of a lone inn in the middle of a barren moor. The door was opened, and there stood without, shivering and shaking, a poor beggar, his rags soaked with rain, and his hands white with cold. He asked piteously for a lodging, and it was cheerfully granted him; there was not a spare bed in the house, but he could lie on the mat before the kitchen fire, and welcome.


So this was settled, and every one in the house went to bed except the cook, who from the back kitchen could see into the large room through a pane of glass let into the door. She watched the beggar, and saw him, as soon as he was left alone, draw himself up from the floor, seat himself at the table, extract from his pocket a brown withered human hand, and set it upright in the candlestick. He then anointed the fingers, and applying a match to them, they began to flame. Filled with horror, the cook rushed up the back stairs, and endeavoured to arouse her master and the men of the house. But all was in vain - they slept a charmed sleep; so in despair she hastened down again, and placed herself at her post of observation.


She saw the fingers of the hand flaming, but the thumb remained unlighted, because one inmate of the house was awake. The beggar was busy collecting the valuables around him into a large sack, and having taken all he cared for in the large room, he entered another. On this the woman ran in, and, seizing the light, tried to extinguish the flames. But this was not so easy. She poured the dregs of a beer jug over them, but they blazed up the brighter. As a last resource, she caught up a jug of milk, and dashed it over the four lambent flames, and they died out at once. Uttering a loud cry, she rushed to the door of the apartment the beggar had entered, and locked it. The whole family was aroused, and the thief easily secured and hanged."

Monday can be fun...but usually isn't #07

Hi there!

It's Monday, it's early spring, it's time for cleaning, dusting and gardening. How are you doing? 

Of course you can also work indoors...

Science has never drummed up quite as effective a tranquilizing agent as a sunny spring day.
W. Earl Hall 

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.

Doug Larson

The first day of spring is one thing, and the first spring day is another. The difference between them is sometimes as great as a month.

Henry Van Dyke

Spring has come when you can put your foot on three daisies.

Proverb 

Have a lovely spring everybody!

Alternatively you can follow this advice:

Review: Dirty by Megan Hart

Book info:
Form: Kindle format e-book
Genre: Romance/erotica
Target audience: adulst (see warning at the bottom)

Synopsis:

Elle, a junior partner in an accountant company, meets a man in a luxury chocolate shop. He hits on her and she can’t stop thinking about him. Then they meet again in a club – they dance and get to know their names apart from other things. They decide to have a fling, nothing else, because Elle, for a reason or two, is so not into permanent relationship and Dan seems to be perfectly ok with such a situation. However this time they both will be forced to change their mind and priorities.

 What I liked: 

 What comes to your mind when you see erotica novels? Of course plenty of graphic sex scenes, a skeleton plot, a very superficial psychological make-up if any at all, characters often limited only to a description of an appearance. Small wonder plenty of readers shun these books considering them a waste of time and money. I am usually one of such readers. However, I am happy to say Megan Hart managed to break that mould for me.

 I would compare ‘Dirty’ to ‘Bitter Moon’, an old movie by Roman Polanski which told a story of a romance in a very intelligent, funny and moving way. With the emphasis on ‘intelligent’ which always, entices me more than anything and makes me cave in even if, officially I am hardly a romance fan, let alone erotica reader. I found Elle a surprisingly complex heroine, taking into account what genre we are talking about. Her actions were fully justified by her sad experiences and reading about her I felt as if she was really alive, not one more sex-crazed cardboard character you can find galore in such novels. After a while you understand why she has acted they way she did but the full story is revealed at the end and the more you read the more you want to find out. You sympathize with her and with Dan who tries to lure her out of her shell and engage in a mature relationship.

Those hot scenes add to the story instead of distracting your attention from the plot.
What’s more you see how Elle changes, almost despite herself, the longer she dates. She starts to see the need to forgive and forget, to start anew even if the process is hardly easy and painless. One more advantage of this one: Elle’s dysfunctional family and her problems don’t disappear after she starts seeing Dan regularly. If anything the opposite is true – dating makes her face the most difficult issues time and again, she is practically forced to put her past and present in order.

 What I didn’t like: 

 Although, up to a point, I could relate to Elle, I doubt such generous, understanding and patient men as Dan exist at all. He was like that fairy tale prince – a well-rounded lover, ready to be taken, without major commitments or vices. I can’t help thinking that in real life he would have a wife and at least several part-time bimbos hidden somewhere in the closet; that and a nasty habit or two ;p.

 Final verdict: 

 If you feel like reading erotica but you are usually bored with the ordinary fare go for something intelligent and read this one. The love scenes are really steamy hot and when you finish you won’t despise yourself for spending so much time with a ‘pink’ novel. Well, it is a different shade of pink.

 Warning:

 Intelligent or not, it remains still an erotica romance novel, containing a lot of graphic sex scenes which are highly inappropriate for underage public. Such issues as incest, suicide, deliberate self-harm  and sexual abuse of a minor are mentioned as well. Keep it in mind while deciding whether you want to read it or not - you have been warned.

Silent Saturday

Image courtesy of Wikipedia

Review: Snorr’s Saga by Timothy Brommer

This book was provided by the author's publisher via my lady Blodeuedd's excellent blog in return for an honest review. I haven't been compensated for writing the said review in any way and the fact that the book came free of charge didn't influence me either.   

Book info:

Form: pdf format, e-book

Genre: dark fantasy based on Norse mythology

Target audience: adults

Synopsis:

Snorr Haemarsson, a skald, and Krym Freidleifsdottur, a spaekona (so a fortuneteller) has known and loved each other for ages. Unfortunately they are singled out to become pawns in the power play between Thor, Odin and Loki so their love is going to be severely tested.

Snorr kills Krym’s twin brother Hrut. Although Krym suspects Hrut, not the brightest or the nicest tool in the garden shed, should be blamed for the whole incident a family blood feud is started. For Krym it is a chance to prove her worth to her own clan - so far her father has been very disappointed with her meager abilities. He pronounced her good only for childbearing, a horrible insult for such an ambitious girl. She is gifted – she can channel frodleikur (a kind of magical superpower) but so far even her fortune telling was rather unimpressive. Now, with the help of Loki’s daughter, Hel, she becomes a volva (a far more potent sorceress) and creates a set of unique living runes.

Krym decides to avenge herself on her beloved and gain the recognition among her kinsfolk. She’s got the best chance after all – she can lure Snorr into a trap pretending she wants to date him. Snorr meets her in the forest and is sweet-talked into entering and robbing the fresh grave of Hrut, allegedly to retrieve her father’s belt with a golden buckle which would serve as Krym’s dowry. Unfortunately he doesn’t know that Krym has prepared her brother’s body beforehand, cutting the bonds on his feet and making Hrut ready to raise as a draugr – something between a vampire and a zombie. Snorr wakes the draugr stealing the belt and initiates a disastrous chain of events which will lead him and Krym to Asgard and Nilfheim – two of Nine Worlds inhabited by Norse gods and goddesses.

What I liked:

It was a fast-paced story with an intricate plot based on Norse religion, a bit long but very readable. It is obvious the author has made a lot of research because everything sounded plausible, especially the scenes in which he is recreating the habits, culture and ordinary life of the Vikings (at least in my humble opinion and I am hardly a scholar). The fantasy world building was fun to discover although I must warn you, the book is a bit bloody and violent. Well, those were rather ruthless times. As Snorr is hell-bent on becoming a hero, he must make some sacrifices even though Thor himself wants him to succeed. Also Krym has to pay for her gift, sometimes not even being aware of the price - when you deal with such tricky gods as Loki everything might happen.

What I didn’t like:

I admit it took me some time to understand all those Norse terms like ‘frodleikur’ or ‘spaekona’ but it didn’t prevent me from enjoying the narration. I also regretted the fact that there was so little action from Loki, my all-time favourite Norse deity and not many lighter, humorous scenes.

My only real complaint concerns the character of Krym. She is one mean, spiteful woman, especially after she became a volva. She is one of these women who crave power - I was really sick and tired with her endless plotting how to get Snorr and everybody else around her doing what she wanted them to do. I simply gagged when she told her future husband how she wanted to conceive a Valkyrie– it was as if she planned a highly effective in vitro pregnancy procedure, thinking just about material gains it might bring. He said ‘no’, finding it unmanly, but did it stop our lovely Krym? Absolutely not. She was still focused selfishly only on herself, her own glory, needs and plans. There is even a scene in which she rapes her betrothed to get pregnant on her own terms (I must grant the author – a very original premise but still revolting, a rape is a rape). True, Krym helps Snorr as they need each other badly to defeat that monster but let’s not forget the fact that she was more responsible for releasing that draugr than him – she led Snorr to his grave with premeditation. I felt hardly any chemistry between them and the ending left me wondering whether Snorr did the right thing, protecting and taking care of Krym during their ordeal. I would let her die – quite accidentally of course.

Finally the cover. I don't think it is in accordance with the character of this book. Not really.

Final verdict

If you enjoy darker fantasy and like Norse mythology this novel might be right up your street. I don’t regret reading it despite my reservations concerning the female lead because it is a very well-written and original book.

Review: The Traitor in the Tunnel (The Agency #03) by Y.S. Lee

Form: e-book, Kindle format

Genre: historical fiction

Target audience: YA

Synopsis:

Mary Quinn, now a fully fledged operative of the all-female secret Agency, is placed in the Buckingham Palace as a domestic servant to find who has been stealing different trinkets from one of the Queen Victoria’s parlours. If the task sounds easy, rest assured with Mary no assignment is as easy as it looks. When one of the Prince of Wales’s irresponsible young friends is killed in disgraceful circumstances Mary is, surprise, surprise, among few people to know the truth behind that incidents. Should the Queen hush things up or allow justice to take its course? Mary’s interest in this private matter soon becomes deeply personal: the alleged killer, a drug-addicted Chinese sailor, shares a name with her long-lost father. Could it be the same person?

Meanwhile, James Easton’s engineering firm is repairing the sewers beneath Buckingham Palace. Trouble is, there’s a tunnel that’s not on the plans. Its purpose is unclear but it seems to be very much in use. These overlapping puzzles offer a perfect opportunity for Mary and James to work together again… if they can still trust one another. This is Mary’s most personal case yet and she has everything to lose and plenty to gain.

What I liked:

This is one of few YA series that I really appreciate. Usually my main complaint is that the books are too short – I am that smitten. The writing style of Ms. Lee is highly readable, I swallowed this book in less than 24 hours. The pace of narration was great, neither too quick, not too slow, everything happening in the right order.

Of course the biggest asset was Mary Quinn herself. She’s never been one of these ‘too-stupid-to-live’ insipid girls and she’s grown up a lot. Now she faces several personal issues, trying to defeat demons of her past unleashed by a man whose name is the same as that of her long-lost Lascar father. She also falls more and more for James, still being unsure what his reaction might be when he finds out all her secrets. Last time he flinched hearing about Mary’s sad childhood and thievery – what will he say now?

Fortunately James Easton has changed too and for better – he is less sanctimonious, less prickly, more cooperative and eager to kiss Mary every opportunity he has. Their romance comes to a rather happy conclusion at the end but, hopefully, it is still not the end of their common adventures. They can't marry - not yet anyway and Mary has great plans for the future – with the silent support of the Queen Victoria they even seem realistic!

Finally this is also one of those historical series which has never made me wonder whether the author did her research job. It is very obvious she did. Victorian London, presented here, sounds real and plausible – perhaps some sights and smells would be difficult to tolerate but you would like to visit nevertheless. I am also glad that, in spite of the fact these books are clearly YA, the author never patronizes her readers, mentioning even delicate issues in an honest way. In the previous novel Mary had a small but significant chamber pot problem (how to relieve yourself when you are pretending to be a man and another man is present in the room?); in this one she is even pushed further as one of the villains tries to make her prostitute herself.


The cover art I find nice and appropriate.

What I didn’t like:

I must admit the main criminal puzzle was a little bit less intricate than usual, although still it featured an interesting twist or two. Also the baddies weren’t as interesting as previously. Fortunately the character development of the main heroine overshadowed these slight shortcomings. Oh and the book was too short of course. ;)

Final verdict:

A great novel for light recreational reading which can make you happy and bouncy – it is a YA position but  neither syrupy sweet nor depressing! If only there were more such books...